And … i am so, so afraid of my own charades. by the well know romanian essayist Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
We all have some daemons inside of us … which unfortunately… in some circumstances are becoming so dominant …. making us looking like we completely lost the control on ourselves.
… and it really is like that.
We can’t be recognised anymore.
… by anyone.
That could probably happen when we drink too much alcohol, or consume narcotics, get too nervous, lose someone important … etc etc.
And … all i am conscious of is that …. we all start to act … weird.
Almost … like never before.
In fact … it is like we lost our minds.
… totally lost our minds.
For me … is the same.
If i would be honest enough i would admit that … i am really afraid of my reactions in such circumstances.
I hate it … but i just lose the control on myself … and there
is nothing i can do … to stop myself acting so, so stupid.
Doing charades … on and on and on.
Like … an idiot.
I am meditating …. trying to heal myself.
And … i try … but …
I don’t succeed it.
So … randomly… losing control on myself … or even totally losing the control … i start again act … very stupid.
I wish … i could stop myself … or at least understand the root of those problems.
Most probably … all is related with my unconscious side.
… which into one point … becomes much, much too dominant.
In fact … making me … explode.
… trying to fix into the real life all what is bothering me… by a long time.
Into the end … i can only conclude that all those charades are in fact … my abstract tendency of … “fixing” my life.
… aggressively.
Yes … weirdly … abstractly … and aggressively.
I am afraid … of the moments when i am becoming like that.
I am afraid … that i totally lose the control on myself.
But … i know … all is part of life.
It is … a normal process …. for the human being.
Ridiculous … but real …
Download the book ”The KARMIC CHARADE
spiritual & philosophical essay” written by the writer Adrian Gabriel Dumitru for FREE.
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